One
night when I was drunk and passed out, da boyz starting playing "Haole
Trivia", which invovled Das asking trivial questions about me to the other
boys. If you want the home version of "Haole Trivia", just print
this out, get liquored up or high, and invite a few friends over a for
a night or intoxicating fun!
I once
spent $300 at a strip club
If my
mom told me my dad wasn't my "real dad" I wouldn't be surprised
My first
crush came when I was 9 on Penny Gadget...
...my
first crush on a real person came when I was 10 on Kathleen Carl
...my
first crush on an Asian girl (none of that white stuff) came when I was
16 on Joanne Miura
My middle
name is Ivey
I've wanted
a tattoo of the Chinese character for tiger
I've never
kissed a girl (OK, that's a well-known fact. Sorry)
In 7th
grade PE, the kids called me "McFly"
I give
money to homeless panhandlers
I've never
been in a fight with anyone not related to me
I went
to a Buddhism study group a few times
I want
to skydive
In middle
school, the only musical act I listened to was Weird Al...
...I thought
rap was by drug-dealing criminals
...the
song that changed my thinking was Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos
by Public Enemy
I've been
to a gay nightclub
I was
once so fat, I couldn't drive and keep the button on my biggest pair of
jeans from snapping open
Zionism
worries me
Because
of my cowlick and my school's prohibition on hats, from age 7-10 I only
got crewcuts
In high
school, I converted from a Reaganite to a socialist...
...in
my first election I voted for a socialist-friendly party...
...the
running mates were both black, making me the only person you know who voted
for a black man for president
The fastest
I've driven a car is 119 mph
I don't
get attracted to my friends' girlfriends
My mom
slashed my dad's face with a knife once...
...she
also took a wild shot at him with a gun
When I
was small, I used to pretend I was a wrestler named "The High Five"
I used
to get so intense during my Academic League matches I'd snap the pencils
we were given
I'm lactose
intolerant
I once
confessed to a crime I didn't commit (sort of like an anti-A-Team member)
I've measured
the length of my schong with a ruler
I can't
stand to listen to any stories of dogs being hurt
I didn't
learn to ride a bike until I was 11 when some friends taught me...
...I didn't
learn how to swim til I was 12 and my mom's friend's daughter taught me
Be
on the lookout for future Haole Trivia editions, like Haole Sports and
Haole Silver Screen! Also, Haole 70s and Haole: Genus II are planned!
