1/29/99 -- I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week, which I guess isn't unusual for me -- Ray in particular has told me that I "think too much."  But this has been a little bit different -- I'm thinking about my future and what I want and what I want to do with it, in the immediate sense.  On Monday, I was all ready to quit work by, say, the end of February, and started getting tips on my resume and a job search.  (This took up a lot of my free time at work, which is why I didn't update before today). 

By Wednesday, I thought, "Shit, there's shit I want that is gonna require me to have to keep working -- like money and the dentist.  I've got a dental plan, I wanna see how much of it I can cram in before I quit -- which I'm now thinking of being around the end of May.  A car is my #1 priority in life now (besides eating, breathing, dumping, etc).  Everything is gonna revolve around that: girlfriend -- need a car,  new job -- need a car,  take a few classes -- need a car,  drive to nudie bar -- need a car.  And so on. 

And I have no idea what kind of job I'm qualified for besides this one. 

It's hard to live in LA without a car.  I knew this back when I was still in school, although it didn't seem as acute; Westwood is a pretty self-contained little universe, so you don't have to leave too often, which I didn't.  A 35 minute drive to Santa Monica takes about three hours using Public Transportation, so yeah, I am jealous of all you New York muthafuckas with your dope-ass subways, even if you do get mugged occasionally and they smell like pee.  I can only wish I had a car I could get mugged in and that smelled liked pee.

Akiyo's got a new boyfriend.  I figured this out, then started talking about it with her.  It made me happy.  Really.  Because now I realize that she's not interested, but she's got a man, so she's off-limits.  I don't think about my friends' girlfriends, nor do I think about hotties I know if they're dating as well.  Something in my brain registers them as off-limits.  I guess that's one good thing about my brain.  And even if I wanted to do something about it, her new guy is a freelance rigger, so he could probably beat the shit out of me and then have some of his union buddies bury me in the Staples Center construction site, right underneath center court.  And she's happy, and that's important to me, too.  Well, she's happy with him, at least.

So yeah, the last few days I've been in a surprisingly chipper mood.  Just got off the phone with my dad.  Just e-mailed Short Bus.  Felt good about both.  Even after I got mad at my dad when he hung up the phone on me a few weeks ago, I figure I'll stick with trying to get a little closer to him.  We never had the big talk I was planning on, but I figured that since he's basically the only person around to take care of my mom and her fragile psyche (which he is in part responsible for), that's something admirable.  I wouldn't want the job. 

Shit, the Deej just walked in.  Today's gonna be a long day here.  Hasta.

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