11/16/98 --      I'm having a very bad morning, although not as bad as Sheela is probably having.  But I'll get to that later.  The dilemma that gave me little sleep and preoccupied my thoughts on my (long) commute to work this morning was something far more important than the financial or emotional concerns of my friends.  No, this involves me -- what should I include on a mix tape for myself?
     I bought a few CDs recently, and a new Walkman last nite.  My old Walkman has served me erratically since I bought it WAAAAY back in 95, and so it was time for a new one.  I think I'll bury the old one in Ray's backyard when he and his mom aren't home.  But I digress.  Anyhow, I've got these CDs to add to my collection, so I've got close to 180 CDs -- maybe more.  Plus I'm still at Ray's, and he's got at least 150 of his own.  So, minus duplicates, there's around 300 CDs to make tapes out of.  And I have no idea how I could tastefully fill up 60 minutes.
     Til now, my mix tapes generally have one of two themes -- "Black Music that I Like" and (less frequent but more frequently) "White Music that I Like".  Well, once I did a mix tape for Nicole -- a tape whose them was "me".  I sent it to her and...boy, what the hell was I thinking?  That was retarded.  Well, I think I was on medication, so maybe that explains something.  Jeezus, and then her fucking uncle finds it in her car, and puts in the tape deck, and he hears "NINETEEN-NINETY-MUTHAFUCKIN'-ONE..."  I'm not sure what her uncle was doing there.  Maybe he's a lazy uncle who nobody likes to talk about, I dunno. 
     Anyhow, I mean, I could make a mix tape about love and relationships and bullshit like that, but of course none of the songs actually apply to me.  Well, the last track on the Cardigans new album is called "Nil".  That should be the only song on a relationship tape for me.  And yeah, I could have "Loser" and "I Love You Mary Jane", but I'm looking for something a little more substantial.
     So yeah, I want to make themed tapes, but have no themes to make tapes out of.  Depression, self-hate, loathing, etc. don't make good tapes.  Anyone have any suggestions?  
     Beyond that, my weekend was slow and uneventful and boring.  I got drunk a lot.  I actually managed to run four miles yesterday, my first run in over a month, and I felt pretty good, except for the fat blister I have on my left instep, so I won't be running for a few days.  Oh, and today I had four donuts.  And pizza.
     Anyhow, today I get to work and I check my e-mail from over the weekend, and I got one from Maya lambasting my lack of consideration for not telling Sheela about me not being able to take her apartment.  And she's absolutely right -- I am an inconsiderate dumb fuck.  I'm like two rude mongoloids having sex.  And I totally forgot that now Sheela has to paint her apartment to suit her manager after I told her she didn't have to.  So yeah, I feel like shit, but not as much as Sheela probably does right now.  Guess I won't be having Thanksgiving with them...And yeah, that helped ruin my morning (while I'm ruining Sheela's week), and got me thinking about those boxes of Maximum Strength Sominex I saw at Wal-Mart.  

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