11/17/98 --  It's pretty terrible when you can't talk about a lot of the things in your life  with your friends because you're too embarrassed about them.  They are, after all, your friends, and they should understand.  If they're your friends, that is.  What are friends for, after all?
     OK, to drink and smoke and commit criminal acts with.  But besides that, what are friends for?
     So yeah, I find myself not talking about myself very much anymore, which means I'm more boring than ever before.  Last nite I went drinking ("surprise!") and spent most of the time listening to Dave recall his rather enjoyable vacation back East, and I chit-chatted about morning radio shows and future presidential politics.  If Akiyo came up, or my apartment, I did the whole "mumble, don't wanna talk about it, mumble" thing.  I just don't wanna talk about things b/c I'm afraid they make me look like an idiot.  Which I am, but that's besides the point.  I deal with smart people, and I know they're outta my league intellectually (except for Ray, but he's smart about shit like music and clothes -- y'know, practical things).  I don't wanna talk to Nicole, even. 
     Trying to update this while talking to Akiyo isn't very productive.  Maybe I'll finish this later.


     OK, I'll just staying thirty minutes late at work and finish this, b/c, really there's nothing for me to do at home besides drink and agonize over mix tapes and beat Arkansas St. 56-0 in NCAA 99'. 
      Where wuz me?  Yeah, I feel dumb and helpless.  I don't talk about things with Akiyo anymore b/c all I think about are problems, and she doesn't wanna here about them.  Who does?  So she just unloads her problems on me and talks about her life.  I don't talk about mine, b/c what is there to talk about?  I'm back to being the good listener,  which is what I'm good at me because that's a  role that requires little skill.  We don't have a lot of shared experiences or shit, so I feel that if I bore her or bum her out on the phone, then we won't have anything, even the decaying friendship we have right now.  And no, that doesn't do much for my opportunities to get some from her either. 
     Jeezus I hate this time of year.  The holidays are only going to make it worse.  Hey, Haole gets a week off from work, guess where he's spending every day of it?  Jacksonville, FL. Who-hoo!  Yeah, where else would I wanna go?.  I'd rather go to San Francisco, Hawaii, DC, New York, Toronto, Hong Kong....but c'mon, you can't beat Jacksonville. 
     Can't beat it for misery.
     Had lunch with Val, aka the Person I Wouldn't Talk to Except We Went to High School Together.  I find her to be exceptionally uninteresting.  We had lunch at a local Italian restaurant where the food was good and the conversation was not.  We just blabbed about our problems, mostly her, and then she told me to quit my job and get into computers. 
     I need some weed.
     I can feel the Net screaming back at me, "Shut your piehole and get a life!"  To that I say, "Suck on my chocolate salty balls.  Put em' in your mouth, and suck em."  No, you're right, bitching ain't shit but hoes and tricks...uh, waitaminute.  Bitching doesn't do shit, but I'm incapable of anything else.  I just wallow.  I walllow therefore I suck. 
     And I'm never gonna score! 

 
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