11/19/98 -- Nothing like a little physical exertion to take your mind off of things.  After whomping Das bootie at NCAA 99 last nite and then coaching Ray on to victory against Jizm, we had some tequila shots and then went outside and threw a football around.  I realized several things:
  1. a $20 football is a good thing to have around. 
  2. I am not cut out to be a football player
  3. $20 footballs are good to have when throwing on a street, at night, with a guy who is not cut out to be a football player
It's sad, last nite I really finally appreciated that I was not meant to catch or throw footballs.  I have the weakest arm, and terrible hand-eye coordinator, although playing at night didn't help much.  Ray looked like John Elway compared to me when it came to throwing the ball.  Maybe I can put my daydreaming fantasies to rest now.   No more Haole throwing for 600 yards against the Cowboys, or Haole rushing for 300 yards against USC, or catching 20 passes for Hawaii and then spending the night with the Rainbows' cheerleading squad...I'll just stick to my video games and pretend I'm a coaching genius instead.  Or I can just get some more weed and go to strip clubs and pretend I'm Michael Irvin.

But yeah, booze and sports get my mind off my life.  I'm bugging cuz I know my writing has degenerated from the spectacularly mediocre creation it was during Stark Raving Mad's first go-around, to the horrible incoherent mess it is today.  Argh!  I hate being such a melancholy little fuck.  It's not fun to read or write this shit.  This dumb-ass job, which I grow more and more displeased with by the micron, is the main reason -- I don't have the time to devote to my writing that I want to, it's sorta like I gotta sneak it in when nobody is looking.  But also my depression, which ties into this dumb-ass job, doesn't help, either.  Neither does having Akiyo on my brain, which has been increasing as of late.  It's rather odd.  I guess I feel like a let-down to my friends, and especially to myself.

Maybe this has all been a waste -- coming back to California.  Argh, everything feels like a waste.  It's not like I have anywhere else to go (and if you're thinking "home to Florida" let me tell you to suck my nut). 

At least this weekend is USC/UCLA.  If da Bruins lose, that's it, I'm gonna be swinging from the shower rod.  Maybe some guy in Bangladesh will read about the guy who hung himself at the USC/UCLA game and say, "Dumb foreigner!"  And that'd be ironic, cuz I know during World Cup Soccer (or "football" for all you snooty foreigners), every four years I read about the guy in Bangladesh or Iran or Albania who stabs his wife and kids and then hangs himself in despair over this team's loss in the tournament. 

I dunno what else I'm doing besides gearing up for the game.  Well, drinking, natch.  But beyond that.  I wanna go shopping: I wanna buy clothes at 3rd Street even though I have much better things to spend my money on, I wanna buy a laptop even though I have much better things to spend money on, I wanna take Akiyo out even though I have much better things to spend my money on... 

Oh yeah, I just finished up Haole Trivia

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