12/9/98 -- Work has kept me busier than I'd like to be.  Well, Duc has kept me busier than I'd like to be.  He's an evil motherfucker, I'll tell you that.  He sloughs off tons of work onto me, and it's not like I don't have enough as it is.  The little fuck nitpicks and harangues me the whole day, asking me the same questions and....ah fuck, it's not worth it to bitch about him anymore.  Although if it were possible for someone to drop, say, a bus on him, I'd pay em' money to do it.

So, what have I been up to?  Nothing.  <Sigh>  I hate my life.  I wanna be someone else.  Who wants to trade?  I can offer bad credit, bad knees, and a boring job in a library?  What, yes the gentleman in Cedar Rapids  want to trade?  What can you offer?  You're in jail for mail fraud, you were abused as a child and you have diabetes?  I dunno....oh, but you've scored?  When can we meet to arrange the trade?

A big problem with being completely sober (save for the all the Oreos I ingested while watching Buffy last nite), is that I'm completely naked and exposed to my problems.  Well, I can veg in front of Buffy or while playing Final Fantasy, but that's about it.  Can't get drunk or high no more to make them go away.   The pain gets really  bad, enough to discourage me from reading, which used to take my mind off of things, and so I just sit and ponder my sad, depressing life.  Maybe I should look on the bright side of things.

Yes, I'll look on the bright side of life!  There's Buffy!...once a week...and Oreos!...all of which I ate..and, and, <SIGH>.  I'm out of the bright side and back into the shadows again.  The dark side, heh.  I just need some sort of Dark Side mentor.  Darth Haole, or somebody.  "Haole, come with me to the Dark Side.  Join us!  Together, we can score!"  Yeah, Darth Haole would kick some.  

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