March 15, 1999

3/15/99 -- Normally I try to play something of a skeptic when it comes to conspiracy theories, especially when it comes to shit I know about, like sports. I figure with all the money that's out there, especially in pro sports, it's hard to fix a game or a fight. But after sitting and watching (and paying $25 + meal for) that horrible debacle that was the Lennox Lewis-Evander Holyfield fight (or rather, Evander's ass-whupping by Lennox Lewis), and the incredulous decision that followed, I too now realize how corrupt sports, or at least boxing, can be. So maybe I ask for it -- for god's sakes, Don King is the promoter, and it is boxing, a sport the Mob use to own. So next time I ante up a couple of twenties for a pay-per-view fight, it'll be for something where I won't be surprised by all behind-the-scenes treachery: wrestling.

I also now realize why my shrink stressed the "sexual dysfunction"-related side-effects of Paxil. "Spending time with myself" is such a damn chore now! Lately, I'm happy if I can break a sweat.

Speaking of the fight and masturbating, there was this fine waitress at the National Sports Bar in La Palma where Ray and I watched the fight, err, the sham at. She was thinner then a toothpick, and I could have, uh, gnawed on her all night. (OK, maybe that's a bad analogy. But just apply any verb with an oral-related definitionand you get the picture). Must go back to National. I don't think Ray thinks she was all that, but what the hell does he know? She was new, so she didn't have a name tag with her name on it, just one that said "Rookie."

An increasing source of discussion among my friends whenever we watch TV is my belief that 99% of all Asian women on TV are attractive (we'll excuse the old agimas on Korean TV). And I say they are attractive -- they're usually news anchorwomen, or product spokeswomen, or token asians honeys for white men on TV. In other words, they're not on TV b/c of their talent, but because of their looks.

Now maybe it's just to piss me off, but the boys seem to think that anything I see with "slanty eyes" (their words, not mine) is "luscious" (my word, not theirs). I disagree, but that's their impression. Personally, I think they're all closeted homosexuals, and that "playing golf" is their code word for gettin' some bufu action going. But whatever. I have standards, which I think are high -- otherwise, I would have gotten some sooner, now wouldn't have I? But look: women on TV are, in general, better looking than women who aren't on TV -- that's why they are on TV. You would think they would understand that.

My boss freaked out today that I didn't know who Bobby Darin was. She then printed out a list from bmi.com of 230+ songs he wrote or performed. I had heard of a few of them, granted, just not the guy who wrote em'. I was tempted to say, "Well, my parents might know..." but that would just make her feel old, and from what I understand, old people don't like to be made to feel old. That's why they color their hair (like my boss).