3/26/99 -- Maybe Descartes had it all wrong.  Maybe God is mischievous -- he sure likes to fuck around with me.  He made sure that I had miserable day yesterday.  Absofuckinglutely nothing went right for me yesterday.  From being busy all day at work, to not getting home until 8:30, to dropping a cigarette, to being cut down by Ray, of all people -- everything was a nightmare.  I felt so shitty, and still do.  The Earth did not crash into the moon -- that was the best part of my day, yesterday.

And wouldn't you know it, I'm supposed to go to a party at Maya's tonite.  Every time, and I mean every time, I'm supposed to go to a party, God fucks with my mind and I get depressed and don't feel like going.  It never fails.  I still might go tonite.  I feel bad flaking out on Maya -- I've been such a a flake to her that a bottle of Head and Shoulders would probably disintegrate me.

Curse you God, you evil Mutherfucker!  Great, something I don't even believe in is getting me down.

This attorney whose job it is to harass me with requests sees me walking back today from lunch and says, "I didn't know you smoke."  (You probably didn't know I went back to smoking either, but I have.)  "Why do you smoke?"  I tell her I do it when I get stressed about things, like work.  "Really?  Work stresses you out?" 

"Yes, you goddamn hoe, work stresses me out, and you're the #1 fucking culprit, you traitor bitch!"

OK, I didn't say that.  I try to keep those sorts of passive aggressive thoughts to myself.  I just take em' out on hamburgers and M & M's.  I have eaten McDonald's or Burger King every day this week, and I've been sucking down M & M's like air.  The vending machine guy refilled the machine on Wednesday, and they're already out of Peanut M & M's, thanks to my newest addiction.  No, I haven't been running.  But those Air Max Triaxes sure look good sitting by the door!

Oh yeah, another thing that went wrong for me yesterday -- I started talking to Akiyo again.  Chikusho, it'd been two weeks of giving her the icy shoulder, and then yesterday morning she calls and just starts pouring her heart out to me without even saying "Hello."  My instincts took over and I had to play the nice guy and console her and give her advice.  So great, I fucked up my no-speaking-casually-to-Akiyo-rule, too.  See, nothing went right for me yesterday.  If I had a girlfriend, she would have left me; if I had a car, it would have broken down; if I had a dog, it would have bitten me in the nuts.

That's all I got time for today.  I might come into work on Saturday -- again.  If I have time, I'll put up another batch of Haole Trivia, plus make a little appendix to aid unfamiliar readers with some of my terms -- like Chikusho (Japanese for "Shit!", or the equivalent.).  Sharon's supposed to be around, so if my God-induced bad karma wears off, maybe I'll have a pleasant time with her.  But don't count on it.


 
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