3/4/99 --  (The damn network is still down -- it's been this way since Tuesday afternoon.  The official explanation is a "broken part".  God, I love this place.)

I never listened to love songs, and songs about the emotions that love and relationships bring out, until recently (unless you include Girls Girls Girls and The Fuck Shop, but for argument's sake we won't).  I never had any sort of connection to love songs, nor was I able to directly relate to the sort of emotions they bring out.  So I regarded them as dumb and sappy and manipulative -- unlike, say, X-Clan, who had songs with a different kind of passion -- Black Power.

Having never been in a relationship, I still can't relate to them, and no, I don't consider my right hand as constituting a  partner in a "relationship".  But now that I'm older and <gasp> a little whiter, I've slowly gotten into Sarah McLachlan and Fiona Apple, for example.  And their singing makes me long for relationships.  They've got very beautiful, if different  singing styles -- the high, heavenly voice of McLachlan and the low, soulful tune of Apple -- yet they both leave me longing for the same emotions, or rather, the same experiences that lead to those emotions. 

I was at least able to feel some black frustration when I was hardcore into hip-hop, but even then I couldn't really identify with black pride or the gangsta life.  Dammit, I always pick the wrong music!  There really isn't any music that "speaks" to me, and that's got a digable tune.  B/c really, I'm a beat guy, not a lyrics guy.

The other day I was taking the DASH commuter bus to the LA County Law Library.  I had my usual uncomfortable seat and sat down and began to study the other passengers, as I always do.  Across from me, there were three guys in their twenties sitting together, discussing something in the Daily Trojan (USC's school paper).  In the five minutes I shared a bus with these three young academians, they discussed the Internet, the X-Files, and Japanese animation.  Damn, at my nerdiest, I was only able to hit two geeky subjects in five minutes.  I was a subpar geek.  Anyhow, when I got off the bus, they were eviscerating Mamono Hunter Yohko as the worst anime ever.  I then realized where they were headed on their commute-- the bus route terminates in Little Tokyo.

Not to sound like I'm so much better than they, but that's a life that while I was comfortable in it, I'm glad I'm not in it, and that I wasn't in it for that long.

Lan's leaving the firm.  She's been in the library for a while, and she's the nice, middle-aged, slightly fuddy-duddy Vietnamese chick.  Anyhow, she's been warring with the Deej for years, and the Deej has been trying to force her out.  Well, the Deej had her way, and Lan's leaving to take a job at the LA Public Library.  I just got done talking to her, and she just ripped the Deej, and Duc, and some of the other people here in the office, telling me to look out for certain people and to get a job with a different law firm somewhere else.  But I don't want to work in a law firm  With Akiyo leaving this summer, I dunno who the hell I'm gonna talk to about library shit -- maybe Weinerdude.  With a car,  I should find something better. 

My medication is making me more drowsy as of late.  The doc said something about that being one of the side effects when I saw him on Tuesday.  He's fucking right -- I've been yawning constantly the last few days, and conked out early on Tuesday and last nite.   Last nite I passed out on the couch while I was watching the Laker game with Ray, after he got off the phone with Farand.   I finally woke up at 3:30, went upstairs and got two more hours of sleep.  I think Ray watched the entire video of  Kiss the Girls while I was asleep there.  He could have watched a double-feature of Christy Canyon videos, I was that tired. 

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