4/14/99 -- 
"Hello, is Raymond home?"
"Uh no, he's not.  He's, uh, out of the country."
"Oh, we'll try back some other time then."
D'ya think telling people that someone is "out of the country" is a bad idea?  I dunno, it gives off the connotation that you're seriously trying to avoid them.

I didn't have an interesting time last nite like I wanted.  I stuck around til'  9 and watched ESPN, and then I went to Tower to buy Dusty Springfield's greatest hits album, which they didn't have.  I really hadn't thought about the next step after that, and rather than waste gas in Ray's car, I just went to AMPM to buy some cigarettes and lemonade, and I went home.  Tower Records & AMPM -- that's what I used to in San Diego when I was bored.  Cerritos, and the area around it, really isn't very interesting.  And since I basically just know the areas around LA that people have previously driven me around, it's not like I know of any new places to find excitement. 

Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb...ah, fuck it, you get the drift. I feel dumb.  Well, I was feeling dumber, but Nicole helped to cheer me up.  Oh, I should say why I was feeling dumb.  Fuck!  OK...

See, I had mentioned to Akiyo that I bought this book for Michelle (the cool New York buddy I knew in college, not the ugly white girl from high school).  It was called "Frugal Indulgents : How to Cultivate Decadence When Your Age and Salary Are Under 30". Akiyo had said something like, "That's a book that I need!".  So I ordered it from Amazon, along with a guidebook on moving to New York.  They arrived yesterday at work, and so before I left, I routed them over to her office in Century City.  She'll get em' sometime this afternoon.  I also affixed a note saying wussy shit like, "I want you and Greg (her white man) to make it,", "I want you to find whatever and wherever "it" is",  and "You don't have to read em', you can just use em' to swat flies and shit," and other lame shit. 

It's like, fuck, why did I buy them and send them?  OK, I figure she might appreciate them, but it's sorta fucking weird, y'know, when this dood sends you shit like this.  I tried to make it clear that I'm not trying to buy her favor or anything, or that I think that I'm her white man or something, but she might try to read between the lines.  Not that it was my intent to buy her favor, but she might interpret it that way.  My brother used to do shit like this (and probably still does), and I thought he was (and is) a fucking loser b/c of it.  Argh, what the hell is wrong with me? 

I called Nicole when I got home after my uninteresting excursion, and after we talked for a good time. I brought up the whole Akiyo-book thing, and she was like, "What's the big deal?  You like buying gifts for people.  You always buy the best birthday gifts.  If she doesn't like it or thinks it's weird, then fuck her, that's her problem."  And it worked, I guessed -- I quit worrying about for the rest of the night.  Of course, the rest of the night was only 20 minutes long, cuz I conked out on the couch. 

I was also blabbing to Nicole about the habit that people seem to have developed for spilling the beans about their personal lives to me, and how I don't fucking understand why they do it.  It sure is hell isn't like I'm a good conversationalist or anything.   I don't mind it -- hell, I enjoy it to a certain point (it's attention, and I'm a puppy whose starved for it) -- but it's just bizarre -- what do I do or say that makes people think I know anything.  There are probably better shoulders to cry on.  Nicole brought up the "neutral observer" point, where b/c I'm not intimately connected, I can stand back and be objective, and I'm not going to be demeaning or rude or shit.  She then brought up a client of hers who had the same problem, except that she didn't want to hear all this shit, so her method was to watch closed captioned TV while the person talked.  This client hated closed captioning, so Nicole said, "What do you want to do about it?"

"Put em' on a mute!"

Well, I thought it was funny as a barrel of primates.

I know I seem like a real pussy muthafucking wuss whenever I bring up Akiyo.  Yo, Haole, either hurry up and get some or fucking forget about that bitch!  <--That's probably the popular sentiment that people think when they read any shit about Akiyo.  Maybe electroshock therapy would help -- my psychiatrist said it's the most effective treatment.  EST is used as a last resort, but what the hell else could I do to get her out of my head?  Castration? 

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