4/26/99 -- I've thought about getting a tattoo and and a piercing before.  I've mentioned the tattoo before (I guess it's not much of a little known fact anymore), and I did have my ear pierced at one point.  Of course, that latter failed to last six months after Phil's late pooch Valmont (God rest his soul -- he never got any) licked it off while I was drunk and stoned at Phil's place.

Anyhow, the tattoo would be the Japanese character for tora (tiger).  Tiger is my Chinese astrological sign.  I'm not sure why I like that idea -- it's not like I'm really into Chinese astrology.  I can't even tell the difference between the traits of a tiger and a rat.  It's sure beats my zodiac sign by a mile -- Aquarius.  Aquarius is such a pussy sign.  "The Water Bearer".  What the fuck is up with that?  Some naked guy carrying a jug of water like he's a slave for a dominatrix.  "Yes, Mistress Tina, here is your water! <SNAP> Ooh, than you Mistress!".  Anyhow, nothing else really appeals to me as far as a tattoo.  Skulls, snakes, naked chicks -- I'm not a Hell's Angel for God's sake.  But a tora tattoo would be a good conversation piece; chicks could ask me what it stands for, and I'd explain it, they'd think it was sexy, and BAM!  Knock-knock-knockin' da boots.  Damn, so what am I waiting for?

Location is a problem: I'd probably get the tattoo on my biceps, but I ain't got much in the way of guns.  Tattooing an untoned white boy's arm doesn't look good.  I'd do my chest, if I had one.  And who'd see it there?  And do I want people to see it?  It'd be something of a turn off to a lot of chicks, as well as other people whose respect I might want.  God knows what I'll be doing in 20 years, but chances are a tattoo won't compliment my resume well.  Plus, if I have kids, how would I explain it to them?  Granted that's an outside shot, but still -- I don't want my kids growing up to think their ole' man is white trash. 

And besides, ain't I too old for that kind of shit?

As for a piercing, I'm intrigued by a tongue stud. Paul and I both agreed that they are arousing on a boner-inducing scale if a woman's got one.  Personally, if I saw a hottie and she opened her mouth to reveal a tongue stud, then it's KNOCK-KNOCK - solid wood, youknowwutI'msayin'?  And I figure it goes both ways -- chicks dig it for exactly the same reason guys do.  And it's not because it makes eating spaghetti more fun.  But once again I fall into the same problem as I do with a tattoo -- bad impressions (especially around the office), and the whole age thing.  I'm starting to realize that I'm an old man whose trying to stay young (hence my expensive forays into Abercrombie & Fitch), and that's pretty pathetic. 

Both of these would probably contribute to my becoming white trash.  Maybe I shouldn't deny my roots any longer.  It'd make my life a lot easier, that's for sure.  Wouldn't have to worry about getting my teeth fixed, or having a nice car -- a rusty 87 Ford Ranger will do fine.  Plus I could grow my own bud.  Unfortunately, white trash don't land the honeys, but then again, neither do I. 

My best friend in sixth grade became a heroin addict.  The last time I saw Anthony was around 1992, when another friend and I dropped by his house and saw that he had all these piercings and shit in his face.  Then we went into his back yard, and Anthony dropped his pants to shot us his new cock stud.  Just like that.  No warnings or anything, he just pulled it out like he was yanking out his car keys.  And that's how I'll always remember him, with this big silver rod running through the head of his jaj


 
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