4/9/99 -- Brrrrr, it's cold as a motherfucker here.   What the hell is this, it's April, and it's been wet and cold.  I've actually seen temperatures down in the forties at night or early in the morning.  And I never guess correctly what the weather is like when I'm getting dressed in the morning.  Consequently, lately I've been freezing my nipples off every day. 

Things are always pretty sane around Ray's mom's house in Cerritos, so I didn't expect anything to go wrong while she and Ray visit Korea.  Naturally, Murphy's Law takes over: I get back from work yesterday, and as I'm walking to the house I notice a "Road Work Ahead" sign on my block, which is odd b/c it's a cul de sac, and there isn't much road for work to be done on it.  Then I see the orange warning posts and the construction horses with the flashing yellow lights on top.   Then I notice they are right in front of the house.  My first thought?  "Holy Shit, they found out I smoked up last nite and quarantined the house!"   I quickly realized that the road work was just taking place on the road in front of the house.  Apparently a water line burst right in front of the house and flooded the street.  They (I'm not positive who "they" are at this point) came and dug up the street, since there's a hole in the ground that wasn't there when I left for work yesterday.  Apparently they aren't done because all that shit is still there and there is still a hole in the street.  Anyhow, that's the kind of shit that happens only when Ray and his mom are in another country, and I'm left all alone to worry about it. 

Akiyo's man has hives.  I'm hoping it's a plague from God.  I'm having lunch with her tomorrow.  Maybe she'll pick me as boy toy while he recovers from it. 

Did an on-line chat yesterday at nba.com with Elden "Eldumb" Campbell, Charlotte Hornets center, longtime LA Laker, and subject of much ridicule.  Phil insisted I do it, and so the very first question is mine.  Phil also submitted two questions that got posted, one as "Phil" and the other as "Ramone".  Elden always has this puzzled look on his face like he's not sure what his name is.  But I wish I had his problems -- he's getting $7 mil a year to look like that.

All the problems in my life are embarrassing and rather retarded. I haven't blabbed about all of them here, but they aren't the kind that make for interesting discussions.  I'm depressed, I don't have a car, I've never had a girlfriend/kiss/sex, and other shit that I don't wanna talk about.  I need cool problems to deal with.  My friend gave me a pound of weed to sell for him, who do I sell it to and for how much?;  Should I introduce my girlfriend to my parents?; Harvard Law or Wharton?  These are the kinds of problems I want to have, dammit.  Anyone want to trade?  I'll throw in my set of Warren Ellis' run on Stormwatch!

Instead I have to worry about my slight speech impediment.  It can be a stutter, or a slur, or just talking too damn fast for anyone to understand.  Like I've said before, it's not like I'm incomprehensible or anything.   Just occasionally somebody has to have me repeat something, and sometimes I'll have a day or two where I just seem to stutter non-stop.  It's sort of hard to describe in text, but it's not a huge problem, although it can be an obstacle.  I don't mind repeating what I say, because I obviously want to be understood.  It ticks me off when I know somebody doesn't understand what I say, but they nod their head and smile and say, "Yeah."  I always think of the episode of Seinfeld where Kramer's new girlfriend speaks with a whispered mumble.  They're having dinner with Jerry and she says something and he just nods his heads and says, "Yeah," or whatever.  The next day or whatever Kramer tells him that he has to wear a pirate shirt for a TV interview -- the chick is a fashion designer who thinks that pirate shirts are the next big thing, and Jerry inadvertently agreed to wear it.  So he ends up going on the Today show wearing this recockulous poofy shirt.

OK, that was a little long-winded.  But that's a problem in my life. 

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