5/12/99 -- The blind leading the blind -- that pretty much describes me when it comes to me giving advice on anything.  I fucking spent a total of about 90 minutes yesterday at work on the phone with Akiyo, trying to help her calm down and come to grips about a lot of her problems -- basically, she hates her job and she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, and combined with PMS it turns her into a neurotic rage.   I was trying to save her from a panic attack,  so I'm her fucking career counselor, trying to suggest this or that -- not specifics, but more like a philosophy about shit, and suggestions to help her relax and find out what she wants to do.  Y'know, trying to take a logical, objective stance and provide advice.  No, I didn't suggest that she ditch her white man and that she race over for wild monkey sex with me in a bathroom stall.  That wouldn't be logical. 

Why the hell do people ask me about this kind of shit?  I don't know anything.  Not that anybody ever takes my advice (I certainly don't take anyone else's), but it's just odd.  I guess I'm an easy person to vent to since I don't have a life and I'm not going to judge other people who do.  Still, it's like throwing me in the cockpit of a 747 and asking me how to land.  How the fuck would I know?  It's not that it bothers me -- it helps me feel important -- but I figure if people are venting to someone, then they'd do it with someone who could give them solid advice or comfort.  Why doesn't anyone ask me anything I do know something about?  Like who the greatest Pac 10 quarterback of all time is (With apologies to John Elway, I say Warren Moon).  But nooooooooooo, people want to know about stuff like their future and relationships.

Of course, I don't think about my future beyond the next episode of Sportscenter.

What the fuck is up with the CIA?  These assholes get some enormous block of the federal budget, much of it cloaked under the paranoia inducing cloak of the "black budget", which they don't have to disclose.  And I have no problem with that, if only these fuckers could do their jobs.  This isn't the 1960s anymore -- they don't have to worry about knocking off communists or propping up decrepit puppets.  All they basically gotta do is provide intelligence -- these people are doing this, those assholes are doing that -- and relay it to the right people, like the jackbooted thugs of the Zionist Conspiracy -- oops, I mean, the, uh, appropriate wing of the federal government.

Can they do this?  Apparently not.  They blew it last year when they couldn't figure out that the second largest country on Earth (India) was planning to detonate a nuke.  Then they disclose that they haven't stopped everyone and their mother, including the Chinese, from pilfering nuclear secrets.  And then they tell the Air Force that the Chinese Embassy in Belgrade is a fucking warehouse.  What the hell does "CIA" stand for, Completely Incompetent Assholes?  Christ.  Where are my tax dollars going, anyway? 

Wow, my first taxpayer rant.  Not pretty, and not quite as fulfilling as masturbating, but it's a release.  Jeezus, now I understand how easy it is to become like Pat Buchanan. 

There's this Asian honey who works for the big consulting firm in my building.  I'd guess she's Korean-American, but because she gets off on the 11th floor (where that firm has their Japanese offices), she might be of Japanese ethnicity.  Anyhow, she's fine.  Her face isn't all that, but damn, body of a ten-year old boy, know wut I'm sayin'?  I always run into her in the elevator.  Just once I'd like to get trapped in the elevator with her.  Damn these well maintained elevators!  Ooh, maybe I could slip the watchman $20 to have it "jam" by accident. 

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