5/13/99 -- At some point people figure out what their "thing" is.  Everyone's got a calling, a goal, a passion, or an aptitude that acts as a beacon to guide them through their future.  Sort of like a big Golden Arches for them to aim for.  Not everyone is prepared to accept it, b/c of social pressures, or what they feel is an obligation to their parents, or shit like that. 

Other than getting faded, I haven't too many passions.  I don't find myself particularly gifted at anything besides making a fool out of myself  (Like yesterday, when I singed my right eyebrow while trying to light a cigarette).  Do I have a dream?  Sure.  I'd like the suburban life.  I want the wife, the dog, the 2.3 kids, and the two story Spanish-style tract home miles away from the dirt and congestion of the city.  Basically, I want my parents life (except our houses was never Spanish-style), except that I wanna do it better.  I want to raise my kids well.  I want a <gasp> loving and happy and trusting marriage.  I want to neuter my dog.  I want it because I don't think I'll ever have it.  (And I know I've used "I" in this paragraph way more than I was taught to.  If only Mr. Scruggs could see me now...)

Since I don't believe I'll ever reach that dream, I sabotage myself at every turn out of a desperate apathy towards life.  I've jacked up my credit, have learned nothing from past experiences, and have done absolutely nothing for my future besides killing an unearthly number of brain cells.  Lots of people  of <gack> "my generation" don't know what they want to do with their lives either, but at least they have something that they're good at or that they can put their hearts into.  And they've set up their present to be able to take advantage of future opportunities.

I'm so lazy now I leave my contacts in half the time when I go to bed.

So yeah, I guess my chats with Akiyo on Tuesday about her future sorta got my mind rolling on the subject.  Thank God we didn't talk about anal sex, b/c then I'd be obsessing about that.  "I haven't had anal sex! I haven't given it, or received it.  I'm too lazy to even stick my finger up my butt." <-- That's what I've been spared.

A lot of people are motivated by money, which I realize isn't very romantic, but I can understand that; they want to make some dough and live the good life, and they're just concerned with whatever profession will help them get that.  And that's totally cool.  I can't imagine too many people wanting to go into tax law b/c they think it's their calling or something.  But they're good at it, they can make mad loot with it, and hey -- America needs tax lawyers.  Actually, here's some career advice I wish someone had given me: Slip N' Fall Law.  You don't know how many times I see Pedro Jackson v. Rite Aid, where some idiot falls on his or her ass at the drug store or supermarket, and then decides to sue that goddamn store.  Never before have clumsiness and linoleum proven to be so rewarding.  And how hard can Slip N' Fall Law  be?  "Did the plaintiff get a boo-boo?"  "Was the floor wet?"  Those are the only questions that matter. 

Being a labor/employment attorney would have been smart, too.  One dude is suing the Dodgers because he's blind and the Dodgers wanted him to buy tickets for his guide dogs.  The dogs didn't want to pay.

I haven't had time to totally sort through and go organize the photos that Das scanned for me, but here's one of what I look like now


 
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