-- Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that this entry is a
depressive rant. It can cause frustration, annoyance, and birth defects.
Fuck. Tonight is our firm's annual party. Every year they rent out the Century Plaza Hotel Tower and have cocktails, amazingly good catered food, dancing, free booze, etc. Since we don't have a Christmas party (probably b/c of the high percentage of Jewish attorneys, not that I'm faulting them), I guess this makes up for it. Anyhow, everyone dresses up, does their hair, clips their nose hair, bleaches their mustache, and brings a date or their spouse or a call girl to it. Even fucking Duc is bringing his man. Plus, anyone who goes gets to leave work an hour early to boot.
You can guess where this is going: I'm not going, and I'm depressed about it. I don't think all the antidepressants in the world could stop this feeling, either. I could devour SmithKline-Beecham's supply of Paxil, and it wouldn't help (although it would give me quite a tummy ache). Christ, I've suddenly felt so alone. I feel like it's fucking prom or something, only this time Anna Yim isn't around to knock enough sense into me to ask Maya out. Yeah, I know I'm being juvenile, but SFW -- I'm depressed and I cannot be held accountable for my actions, so fuck off.
Hell, It's better than prom; with prom, it was perfectly acceptable to go with friends (thank the gods). But tonite is all about superficiality -- how good you look and how good your date looks. You get to live large with the attorneys for one night, no matter how much of a scrub you are, provided you show up. And I'm not showing up. This scrub ain't gettin' no love...
Speaking of Maya, it turns out I won't be able to chill with her this weekend -- she's going up to Tahoe. I shudda counted on that -- she's a big time traveler. Hawaii, India, Northern California...she went to Europe in after 11th grade with her sister, our history teacher, and a bunch of other students. She's always going somewhere -- it fits, because she is going places in life! Ha! Err....anyhow, Jenny let me in on this yesterday. Maya's also checking out Sactown the weekend after next, and then she's splitting for good. I think. Fuck, this is what I get for flaking out on her so goddamn much.
I do get a small chance at redemption, though, since Michelle has made a sudden decision to fly out here from NY for the Memorial Day weekend. I dunno when or where I'll see her, but I know I want to. I told her this last week, but she was someone who was always so fucking jovial and always acted like she was happy to see me whenever I bumped into her, no matter how long it'd been since I'd last seen her. Must be my irresistible charm. Damn, if only more women were like that...
Anyhow, I figure that tonite I'll get some serious chinese eyes going and forget about what I'm missing out in Century City. I did the same thing last nite. Das came over, and we all smoked up like fiends and went out. Rather than recapping the whole nite, I'll just list the highlights
I paid for my indulgence last nite; after all the candy from 7-11 and the food from Denny's that we stuffed ourselves on, this morning I came into work and had to take a dump. I promptly caused the toilet to overflow.