Yesterday, over the span of about an hour, two different women called me "sweet", or some derivative of that.  I got an e-mail from one girl, who said it was "sweet" of me to have given her compliments, even though I can't remember what the hell I might have said -- stupid weed makes me stupid!  Then this girl that I work with, Emily, calls me and tells me that I'm "such a sweetie".  I found an article in the new Sports Illustrated about her boyfriend's company, and I brought it down and left it on her desk.  I had the hots for Emily until I found out she was going out with a rich dood.  Nothing kills a libido like finding out you've got no shot at the girl you're interested in.  Michelle e-mailed me as well and told me that what I wrote to her was "sweet". 

What is it with "sweet"?  I think it's synonymous with "nice guy", which is, of course, a euphemism for "total and complete loser."  I'm doomed for eternity.   I try hard to be honest with people, and I would like them to be honest with me: it makes things a whole lot less complicated.  OK, I have a new declaration: From now on I wish to be called "total and complete loser", rather than "sweet" or "nice guy".  Example: "That was really totally and completely loser-like of you to write."

No, I can't take compliments.  I despise them.  I much rather walk away with a simple thank you, or a grunt of acknowledgment, rather than hearing "good job", or "that's very nice of you," or any kind of bullshit like that. 

Speaking of sweet, I also learned that pineapple juice can make a guy's jizz taste a whole lot better.  I'm don't know why this is, only that I know I need to start buying Costco-sized cans of the stuff.   I figure that by tasting "better", it means it's better tasting than the jizz of a guy who drinks Diet Coke.  Probably less saccarin, too.  I wonder if it does anything for the flavor or scent of a woman...