-- Last nite, after we got back from our pot tour of Orange County, we
got home and turned on ESPN. We saw this pitcher for the Tampa Bay
Devil Rays, Jay Saunders, fracture the hell out of the humerous bone in
his right arm. It's the exact same injury that Ray got throwing a
football back in February. With one throw, SNAP!,
and then you can't jerk off for two months, minimum. Unlike Saunders,
Ray didn't roll
around on the floor screaming like a bitch. Of course, Ray was
pretty drunk at the time, so he probably didn't feel the pain as much.
Yesterday, over the span of about an hour, two different women called me "sweet", or some derivative of that. I got an e-mail from one girl, who said it was "sweet" of me to have given her compliments, even though I can't remember what the hell I might have said -- stupid weed makes me stupid! Then this girl that I work with, Emily, calls me and tells me that I'm "such a sweetie". I found an article in the new Sports Illustrated about her boyfriend's company, and I brought it down and left it on her desk. I had the hots for Emily until I found out she was going out with a rich dood. Nothing kills a libido like finding out you've got no shot at the girl you're interested in. Michelle e-mailed me as well and told me that what I wrote to her was "sweet".
What is it with "sweet"? I think it's synonymous with "nice guy", which is, of course, a euphemism for "total and complete loser." I'm doomed for eternity. I try hard to be honest with people, and I would like them to be honest with me: it makes things a whole lot less complicated. OK, I have a new declaration: From now on I wish to be called "total and complete loser", rather than "sweet" or "nice guy". Example: "That was really totally and completely loser-like of you to write."
No, I can't take compliments. I despise them. I much rather walk away with a simple thank you, or a grunt of acknowledgment, rather than hearing "good job", or "that's very nice of you," or any kind of bullshit like that.
Speaking of sweet, I also learned that pineapple juice can make a guy's jizz taste a whole lot better. I'm don't know why this is, only that I know I need to start buying Costco-sized cans of the stuff. I figure that by tasting "better", it means it's better tasting than the jizz of a guy who drinks Diet Coke. Probably less saccarin, too. I wonder if it does anything for the flavor or scent of a woman...