- In case you've been too drugged out to notice lately, the world has become
a very scary place in the last few weeks or so. Surprisingly, it
has nothing to do with Quake, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or rap.
The US bombed the absolute shit out of Serbia, which in itself wouldn't be so bad if nobody liked Serbia and it was in the middle of the fucking Pacific. But Serbia is in the middle of Europe, and it was an invasion of Serbia that triggered World War I (I think), for all you non-history majors out there. Why? Because Serbia's buddies with Russia for some lame reason, and Russia came to their aid in 1914 and would have come to their aid in 1999 except they couldn't find any spark plugs for their tanks. As it is, they managed to round up enough vehicles to roll into Kosovo to say that they go there first, like it was Mt. Everest or something.
The Rooskies are still loaded with nukes, so it's still not a real good idea to piss them off. It's not a good idea to piss off anyone with nukes, like China. But the US managed to do that by bombing the fuck out of their embassy in Yugoslavia, proving the old adage that "military intelligence" is an oxymoron. Coming on the heels of our accusations of nuclear spying (which I'm pretty sure are as true as death and taxes), that's the swiftest diplomatic stroke since George Bush yakked on the Japanese PM.
Speaking of people with nukes, India and Pakistan are going at it for the 828th time over Kashmir. This hasn't drawn much attention even though both nations could vaporize a sizable chunk of the others' population (I know, they've got plenty of people to spare. That isn't the point). Those two have always hated each other (well, at least for all 50 years or so of their independent existence), and unless they completely wipe each other out, they probably always will.
Things aren't any better in Korea, where the South (the guys with all the hot chicks!) just got done sinking a couple of the North's (the starving commies) patrol boats. Korea has nukes in the form of the US' nukes, and North Korea keeps bluffing like they got em', and maybe they do. BTW, North Korea reminds me of a game of Civilization gone horribly awry -- they're stuck in a one village nation with a Communist government and no food so they're all starving.
And of course there's death and more death in Africa, but nobody seems to care about them so I won't go into it. And the Iranians are chanting "Death to America, Death to Israel", so I guess somethings never change.
So yeah, it just sorta hit me yesterday after the bong resin that coated my brain started to dissipate. Things have gotten very ugly very quickly in the world, and I just don't think a lot of people are aware of it. But Phil Jackson's the new coach of the Lakers, and if he can bring peace and order to Shaq Daddy and Co., I'll fucking support him for Dictator of the World.
Of course, being in LA is also of immeasurable help to Jackson's best buddy Bill Bradley, but I'm sure that has nothing to do with it.