- Man, I don't even know where to start. My weekend was OK,
my day today was OK, and then Duc
just chewed me out and I felt like shit. So I went to talk to Akiyo,
and she just reiterated how pathetic my situation is and how meaningless
I am. I should quit, right, I know. And I would, except now
I've got an apartment to pay for and a car to pay for. I am so fucked.
I hate myself.
So three days of stuffing cheap furniture into a tiny car and shoving good bud into a large bong bowl, here I am. Depressed, and nearly broke. Well, my mom's check came through for $6000, but if I've got $6001 in my account after all my shit clears and goes through, I'll be happy. Fuck, I had all this money just sitting around, and then I go and blow it on shit. No, I don't keep a careful watch over my checkbook, so fuck all you financially responsible fucks.
After feeling very blue on Friday when I left work, my urges to stick my head into a gas oven subsided when I rented an Eclipse convertible and bought a $40 bag of bud from Drug Dealer John. It might have been the first time I've ever dealt with John where he seemed like he had a relatively clear head. It was kind of scary. Luckily it was brief. I think he was gonna get some serious pussy in a while, and wanted to seem sober. I dunno. So after that I smoked up, went to Krispy Kreme and got a dozen assorted, and let Albutt and Ray smoke some of my shit while I was out.
Ray and Butt were eating chicken, and then Ray starts to laugh hysterically. Butt starts to laugh with him, equally hysterically. I start to laugh because they were both laughing, even though I didn't know what was so funny. Ray had to actually sit down on the floor b/c he was laughing so hard -- he was afraid he'd fall over from laughing. That's the way this shit is -- getting high is the best when you start laughing hysterically. With us, it's always because somebody does or says something really dumb and they aren't aware of it, but everyone else picks up on it and starts laughing at the person, and then the person starts laughing when they realize what they did. So like with Ray and Albutt, Albutt wanted some ice for a drink, so he tried to use the dispenser located on the freezer door, right? Well it doesn't work well, so Ray tells him to open up the door and get ice from inside -- there's an ice shelf inside the freezer that makes ice cubes. So Albutt opens the door but starts to check the inside of the freezer door by sticking his hand down the hole where the dispenser gets it's ice from and being totally unaware of the ice cubes in the shelf, which he normally is aware of. Then Ray saw what he was doing and started to laugh, and Butt realized what Ray was laughing at, and he started to laugh. OK, see, it isn't that funny, but when you're all high, it's the shit.
I discovered Friday night that Ray had broken the only other glass bong bowl I had left (after I had broken the other one), so I had to buy a new one or two on Saturday. (The bowl is the removable stem where you put the weed). So I went to the Toke Shop in Stanton and got two. Whenever I've broken bowls before, and I've done it twice, it's been when I was stoned. And Ray broke the other one when he was stoned. Note to Self: Self, be extra careful in handling a bong when high -- do not try to wash it.
Then began my adventures with Ikea. Ikea, for those of you who don't know, is a chain of furniture "superstores" filled with Polish-made Bauhaus knockoffs. If you've never been to one before (and I hadn't, prior to this weekend), you''ll find the only thing "super" about the superstores is that they are super confusing. I never thought shopping could be so confusing. It took me five minutes to find an entrance into the area where you can check out, and that's the easy part. I'd explain it all, but I'm afraid I might get confused again. And I didn't have a chick to go with me, and I'm never going with another guy -- two guys alone in Ikea just screams gay. Over the next three days, I bought close to a $1000 worth of furniture for my bedroom in three trips to three different Ikeas. Naturally, none of them are within twenty minutes of either Cerritos or Santa Monica, so I had to sustain long freeway drives with the top down on the car. Oh yeah, whatever shit I couldn't cram into the breadbox-sized trunk I had to stand up in the backseat of the Eclipse. So I had a bookcase, bed frame, a mattress, and a table top at one time or another in the backseat, and the only way to get them to fit was to put the top down. Naturally I got sunburned like a lobster. I didn't get sunburned walking around Universal Studios for six hours, but I get sunburned buying furniture and driving it around. I'm a doophus, thank you very much.
To celebrate my purchase on Saturday, I went to a strip club. Luckily I only spent about $100 there. It was worth it -- this Filipina honey was nibbling on my ear, and I got to see some serious lesbian sex show. Oh, and there was this white porn star, Lexus, who wore this policeman-style leather outfit. Two Words: Oh Damn! (And this is for a white girl, too!)
I was still feeling bad about Friday and all the shit that went down at work, and I still needed a mattress and a bookcase, so I skipped work to buy that. I managed to tie them both down pretty well in the backseat using some twine. I was really happy with the job I did -- the thought kept going through my mind, Gee, Dad would be really proud of me with the job I'm doing tying this shit down, cuz my Dad thinks he's the pimp of moving. To celebrate, I got high some more. By the end of the day, I had used up the last of the $40 bag of weed.
Oh, I went to the bank to deposit the check my mom sent me (Thanks Mom! Glad you don't read this!), and I was really high at the time. There was a line of customers about six deep, and one of the tellers was just smoking hot. There were three other tellers, and I was standing in line I was thinking over and over again, I will suck a dick to get served by her, I will sill a duck to get served by her After a minute, I realized, "What am I saying to myself? I won't suck a dick just to have a teller deposit a check for me, I don't care how hot she is." Anyhow, one of the other tellers left, and so there were only three including her. Since I don't think I can make it particularly suspenseful, I'll just say that I won, err, I got to her window.
Damn, she was smoking. Kattie. Now that I'm leaving Cerritos, I realize I should have gone to the BofA in Cerritos more often. When she gave me my balance, she asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you, David?" So I said one of three things, try and guess which one:
I called my mom later; I told her work was kinda "Ehh", and when she asked what was wrong, I just said that I talked to my boss about problems I was having with a coworker. My moms said, "I can't believe that, because I know how accommodating you are to other people. He must be a real asshole." Yeah, Mom.