7/15/99 - I'm a bit faded right now.  I smoked up this morning before I left for work.  And I mean I took some big hits and really worked on holding them in as long as I could.  It sorta wore away after I got to work, and by about 8:30 (right now), I'm not feeling much of it.  But I kept writing the wrong page numbers down on the spines of these books, and I couldn't tie my tie correctly.  My eyes were a little red, but I don't think anyone thinks anything of it.   I'll just say I'm having trouble sleeping.

And I am.  Yesterday I was really tired even though I got more sleep that I normally do, and so I crashed out around 8:30 or 9:00.  I woke up today at 4:00 AM on the dot, and couldn't go back to sleep.  Hence my tiem to smoke out and get to work really early (at 7:00) to e-mail and shit.

Argh, goddamn writers' block strikes again!  My emotions are sorta fucked up right now -- I think  I may be reaching a point where my interest in Akiyo is finally beginning to tail off a little (although don't hold me to it), so believe it or not I've been thinking about that.  Duc continues to aggravate the piss outta me, although he won't be in the Downtown office for most of the day, he'll be in Century City with our p/ter and they'll help out...Akiyo.


Well, fuck what I said a few minutes ago.  Akiyo is upset with me over something, I just don't know what.  <SIGH> This seems to be a reoccurent pattern that is developing in my life.  People get mad at me buy they won't tell me why.  I sent her a bunch of e-mails over the last few days, and she didn't respond to any of them.  So this morning I sent one saying that if she is upset with me, then she should ignore the e-mail and not reply.  And she didn't. This all seems to have started right around the time I sent her that e-mail last week Fuck, I screw up everything with everyone around me.  One person who I have tried to so hard to be kind to and friendly with, and I piss her off.

And people wonder why I'm afraid to take chances.

My sunglasses are fucked as well.  The right lens had been popping out a lot as of recently, and then on Monday not only did it pop out again, but the left one came out, too.  I probably just need a couple of screws for them.  Mmm, heh-heh.  <SIGH> That's what I get for spending $130 on a pair of sunglasses b/c the girl behind the counter was cute.  Well, she wasn't just cute.  More like smoking hot.  So now it looks like I have Clark Kent's sunglasses.

Only in LA: This morning I heard on the radio that the fomer employee of the LA County Mental Health Department was convicted of making over 2600 phone calls to a phone psychic over two years worth a total of $120,000.  She did it on county phone lines, getting around the phone blocks by dialing the psychic through her modem.  She must have been must fun to work for.

"Have you ever masturbated about me?"  <-- For some reason, that strikes me as a very erotic question.  I just thought I'd let everyone know that.

Things are going OK with apartment.  Jenny spends a decent amount of time hanging out with Sam, although she occasionally does something stupid like make some food for me.  But she's starting to realize how boring I am.  Some posters that I ordered came; now I just need to get off my ass and hang them up.  And stop finding new places to smoke up at -- I'm asking to get busted.

Shit, 84,391 things on my mind I should be worrying about, and I end up stressing over shit that doesn't seem important, but it just feels important.  Don't ask me what I'm talking about.  Or Athena.

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