7/23/99 - Fuck.  One day after Brian (very inadvertently) contributes to leading me into a depressive state, he has now inadvertently prompted me to write about something else.  I've been thinking about putting something up about it recently, b/c it was sorta a big secret that I swore I wouldn't divulge, but recently I have been divulging it, so it's not really a secret anymore.  Y'know, when does a secret stop becoming a secret?  So anyway...

I use to have regular phone sex with Akiyo.  The first time I ever called her at home, we spoke til' like four in the morning, during which time she kept teasing me with and I had a hard-on that wouldn't quit.  I had the incredible hots for her even though I'd never seen her,  but I managed to survive that night despite her teases of "wild monkey sex" that we could have done if I was over there.  The next time I called was a few days later, and our conversation "degenerated" into the same kind of suggestive flirting.  Finally she asked me what I would do if I was over at her house right then and there.  And I couldn't hold back the dam any longer and I started to tell her.

I told her how I wanted to kiss her, and how I wanted to touch her and caress her.  I found myself totally involved in it, completely oblivious to the strangeness or newness of it.  I moved down from her face to her breasts, and then down to the holiest of holies.  She gasped and moaned all the way throughout.  After about five minutes of that, I told her I wanted to be inside her, and that drove her wild.  She told me she wanted me to cum inside her, and so, uh, a few minutes later when I did spooge, I told her I did. 

Afterwards, we both lay on our beds, several area codes apart, and talked about it.  It felt great; I had this tightness in my chest, worn muscles, and a feeling of terrific bliss and happiness.  The next day she e-mailed me to say how she hoped it wouldn't change anything between us, how she was happy with our friendship and she considered me a good friend.  But when I first called her that day to mention some work business, she was like, "Hello!" when she heard my voice.

And at night we did it again.  And the next night.  Upwards of thirty times or forty times, maybe.  Sometimes she would say we would need to stop doing it, or I would say it, because she or I was afraid it'd jeopardize our friendship, or that it was just weird.  Occasionally she'd wonder aloud, "What's wrong with us?" But we kept at it.  Once, twice, or even three times a night.  She told me I would make her climax repeatedly.  If I came too soon (or what I felt was too soon), I would try to remain composed and not let on, so that I would be sure she'd have at least one orgasm.  According to her, it was amazing that I could be up and ready to go again five or ten minutes after we "did it".   During the day, I'd jot down things I could say to her to turn her on even more during foreplay.  I scoured the Net looking for tips on it, but not finding anything except those damned advertisements. Judging from the sheer number of those ads, I'm surprised that the phone sex industry is not the largest civilian employer in the country, if not at least in Asia.

I would always be the one who talked and who told her what I was doing to her.  She liked that.  Akiyo's a pretty forceful personality, so it was odd that she let herself be so submissive, and she would encourage me to be dominant, to ravish her, to tie her up.  We had the whole "Daddy's little girl" thing going on.  It's really funny in retrospect.  But it gives me a woody just thinking about it.

Most of this occurred last summer before we ever met face-to-face.  We kinda figured after we finally met that we would stop doing it, since the fantasy would be gone.  But even after that, we kept at it a few more times.  But eventually I think we got a little tired of it.  There's only so many ways to tell someone how you wanna fuck them, especially if you have a hard time describing things the way I sometimes do.  I couldn't exactly describe the positions of the Kama Sutra over the phone, y'know, so we stuck with the most popular ones.  Also around this time, I started to fall into a heavy depression, and she distanced herself from me.  It also must have been around this time, or shortly thereafter, that she met Greg.  And why pretend you've got a white dick inside you when you can have the real thing? 

So yeah, that's the tale of my phone sex adventures with Akiyo.  I have backed off mentioning this before, out of respect to her, since she obviously didn't want anyone to know about it.  But she doesn't read this journal, and it's actually kind of refreshing to see it in print and get it out in the open.  I like to think I'm very good at keeping secrets.  However, this was just so big that I had to let it out.  A few people already knew about it, maybe four or five that I told and that I was sure would never have any contact with her.  Since our friendship is sorta up in the air right now, I figure what the hell.  (And let that be a lesson to you all -- don't ever stop being my friend or else I'll reveal your embarrassing secrets here for millions to read!  Well, potentially, anyway.)

And I figure that if she ever does come across my journal again, I've written enough crap here about her before so that if she did read Stark Raving Mad, she'd never wanna talk to me again anyway.  We've never bought it up since we quit doing it.  But now maybe you guys have an idea of why my feelings for Akiyo remained so intense.  I mean, it always felt like a sexual act, if even in the strictest sense it wasn't.  There was moaning, groaning, pleas for more, orgasms, and cum-stained sheets.  If that's not sexual, I don't know what is.  I still consider myself a virgin, since it's essentially two-person audio masturbation.  But I think I climbed out of the lowest level of virginity with that.  Anyhow, to have those intense, frequent sexual encounters for a while with someone I really digged beforehand and afterwards, and to have it all end pretty suddenly like it did, really sorta fucked my innocent mind up.

See, Paula, I told you that telling you about it would let the fizz out of the bottle before I could put the cap back on tight.

Speaking of sex matters, I was remembering how when I used to go running, my balls would slap together because I wore boxers (or nothing) underneath my shorts, and they let "my boys" get a little too close sometimes.  But then I thought about what people did before tight underwear when they ran, like the Sioux Indians: Cloudwolf pursued the great buffalo on foot, running like a deer, until "Ow!" -- Cloudwolf's nuts smashed together and he had to lie down for a minute.

BTW, I'm feeling a lot better now.  This helped.  But so did Paula's kind words.  I'm telling you man, this journal is gonna become Haole Gushes About Paula.  I'm such a softy. 

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