- It dawns on me every now and then that I should jot down good things
to say to a woman, in the unlikely event I ever get into a relationship
with one. Take for example, what I read today on Much
Ado About.... Athena was talking about how she wishes that someone,
like a man (duh!), could come up to her from behind and whisper "I think
you are the most wonderful person in the world," to her, and how the thought
of it sends chills down her back. To paraphrase Harvey Keitel from
Thelma and Louise, women like that shit. But I don't think it's shit
in the "bullshit" sense, but genuine and honest shit. If that makes
sense. If I'm in a relationship, wouldn't I want to make my woman
feel special for being with me?
I get upset when I think about my lack of experience in relationships (lack = 0), and how I think being a neophyte would totally fuck up whatever relationship I could get myself into. During the, uh, "feeling out" stage I went through with Akiyo last year, I impressed myself from the outset with the number of unintentionally nice things I said to her. They were honest and sincere, and I never expected the reaction that they got. But that stage only lasted for, I dunno, maybe a month or so. Then it all came crashing down. But I've rehashed that enough.
But anyhow, maybe I'll keep a little personal list of things to say to a woman. They won't be phony, but then again, they won't seem as spontaneous.
Last nite I had the apartment to myself for a few hours while Jenny went to a movie with Sam the Limey and Yet Another Korean Guy Named John. They saw Run Lola Run. I would have wanted to go, but I had big plans for the night -- I wanted to assemble the bookcase that I had bought. Yeah, I'm a wild man. The bookcase went OK; I realized upon opening the box that it was white, and not black like I had originally thought. Since I had no desire to find a way back to Ikea so I could exchange it for a black one, and since white was almost as good as black, I assembled it anyway. Things went OK until I took a break to get stoned. I went behind our building over by the trash dumpsters to light up. I figured the current of wind from the alley along with the rank odor of the garbage would hide the smell, and that I would notice anyone approaching so that I could hide it. Pretty crafty, huh?
When I got back inside from smoking up, the bookcase assembly suddenly became much harder. It took me forever to nail the back on, and I attached a small metal L-shaped piece the wrong way. And I spent forever trying to get the shelves straight. It wasn't until this morning that I realized the bottom shelf still wasn't straight. I'm such a retard. Don't think I'll do the garbage thing again. Y'know, Jesus was a carpenter; I wonder if he smoked up?
I'm trying to avoid getting depressed over Akiyo.
It's not working. Stupid brain, be more cooperative! Last nite
I sent her a rambling e-mail that I wasn't sure I should send. I
try to avoid bringing up my shit with her a lot, but a little bit started
to boil over. I know that Stark Raving Mad has lately turned
into "Haole's Akiyo Groaning and Adventures in Furniture Assembly", but
maybe the following will entertain you. It's the e-mail hat I sent
to her last nite. I'm gonna call her right now to briefly discuss
it, to make sure she's cool with it and all. She's been really busy
since Duc has been over there today, and I haven't had a chance to mention
it yet. But here it is; I guess I'll let you know what she says tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm going to send this to you or not, so if you're reading this, then I guess I decided to. Either that or I hit the wrong button by mistake. Heh, I did that last year when I asked you out to 3rd Street -- I sent a half-finished e-mail to you, and realizing what I'd done, I hurridly called you and told you to delete it, and tried to explain myself. But you probably don't remember that.