8/2/99 - So I said I'm on the roam so I need a car... -- "Hundred Mile High City", Ocean Colour Scene

Well, I gots wheels.  Not great wheels, but somehow I didn't expect anything great -- did you?  Don't got the credit rating to be able a good new car loan, so I gotta settle on paying up front for a used vehicle.  So I got a (drum roll, please...) a 1986 Nissan 300ZX.  It's got 100K miles on it, T tops, new tires and brakes, and it's costing me $4500 before tax and insurance and all that other bullshit the government squeezes out of you like a giant unseen mosquito. (How can a giant mosquito be unseen?  I dunno either). 

I have a car.  I can go places.  I can drive anywhere I want to really.  I shouldn't, but I can.  I've already found myself comparing the Z to other cars on the road, saying, "Yeah, I'd rather have that car."  "Not that car."  "Definitely that car."  "That car, but only if the teenage girls inside came with it...".  Heh, I kid. I guess I'm a little uncertain as to what other people may think about it.  I'm afraid they'll roll their eyes or shake their heads and mutter "Haole Haole Haole, you can't do anything right". 

My other preoccupying thought with regards to my car, besides knowing I have to buy a CD player for it, is that I don't want to drive it anywhere.  I used to rack up so many miles on my old cars without even trying that I'm afraid to get behind the wheel of the Z for fear that I'll just start driving .  God, I know, I want a car for all these years, and now that I have one I don't want to drive it.  No wonder my friends love me so much...

I spent most of the time I wasn't buying a car on Saturday night or Sunday afternoon stoned out of my mind. I've already told the story to enough people, so instead of going into a recap of it again, lemme just say that Saturday night featured the difficulties in following someone while you are both stoned, Del Taco, three guys in the men's bathroom at Del Taco doing God  knows what, and seeing so many guys in West Hollywood wearing tight white tank tops and khakis that I thought they were shooting a Gap ad somewhere nearby.

I still felt sick from my mysterious ailment, so I didn't really want to do a whole lot after I returned the car I had rented.  So I called Paula twice.  Somewhere around three in the morning or so, the combination of a lack of sleep, bong resin, my illness, and my overwhelming feelings for Paula all conspired and I dropped the "L"-bomb on her.  No, I'm not talking about "L"esbianism, either.  But it's true.  I said it, I mean it, and I don't regret it.  I love her.  Maybe we're both digging each ourselves into a hole.  Maybe the holes will collapse on us, or maybe if we keep digging we'll meet in the center. 

"Doh"s, "Holy Shit, Haole!"s, and other flames are appreciated

I picked up the Bloomingdale's gift card that I had ordered and meant to send Akiyo at her work, but somehow wound up sending it to Ray's house.  Now that her birthday was over two weeks ago and that Akiyo is getting colder and colder to me everyday, I'm wondering what I should do with it.  I am going to have to see her next week - my transfer to Century City got approved, and she's going to train me on the shit out there before she quits next Friday.  But does she deserve the present?  I don't know.  Everyone has been virtually unanimous in they're discouragement of the idea.  But I've listened 100% to myself and my heart with regards to Akiyo, so why should I change now?  I should buy something nice for Paula.  I should buy something nice for Ray's mom.  I should buy something for Jenny (hmm, I left out the "nice" part there...).  I should exchange it for cash so that I can buy a computer.  But no matter what, I'm going to be losing Akiyo.  With everything else in my life right now really on an unbelievable upswing, I don't want to end my friendship with Akiyo on such a sour note.  I'm really confused as to what I should do about her, as I seemingly always have been 

But with Paula, there's none of that uncertainty.  Only the unbelievable warmth and happiness that comes from knowing you have a kindred spirit.  How crazy can love make you?  Last night I sang an entire verse and chorus of Blink 182's "Josie" to her.  I didn't even realize I knew the lyrics.

OK, feel free to say "Haole, you're a bitch!" now. 

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