9/10/99 - Whassup?  Gee, it's been so long, and I have so little to say... 

My life has been sucking big time. To recap, I got fired, then my life sucked.  The end.  No no, I should fill you in with more detail, not just give you the eighth grade report version. 

I got fired, and then I got that $500 phone bill the same day.  After I paid that, my radiator cap blew on my car and the car stereo broke, so I had to fix the cap and have been going music-less ever since.  I had one nice trip down to San Diego to see my grandmother and Nicole, after which I got locked out of my apartment for the second time in a week.   

I smoked a lot of bud, and got caught three times in two days!  Sort of.  One afternoon, after parking at Borders, I smoked up and went inside.  I emerged an hour later to find the front of my car hoisted up by a tow truck, and my car less than 30 seconds away from being hauled off to an LAPD impound yard.  I was so stoned I didn't see the "No Parking: 4-6PM" sign.  So I had to pay the guy $118 right there, and be privately thankful that he didn't jack me of my weed, which he found (the bong and weed was just sitting in the car.  Well, the weed was, the bong was on its side -- it had spilled on the floor mat).   

That night, I did a bad thing and figured "What the fuck" and smoked up in the apartment.  Jenny nabbed me and I got in trouble for that.  So the next morning, I figured I'd go smoke out in my car, which was parked on the street.  Of course, my NEIGHBOR comes up to ask me a random question, and I've got bong smoke pouring out my mouth.  But he seems cool with that. 

So what else...oh yeah, then I got a $900 phone bill in the mail that caused Jenny to straight up flip.  I actually hadn't called Paula in Canada since I got fired (at least using Jenny's phone) but the calls I was being charged for came between the time the last bill was sent out and we received it.  Make sense?  What, oh how does someone rack up $900 in phone calls in a weeks' time?  Well, if you call four days straight during peak hours and talk for over three hours at a time each call, then yeah, you can start to get pictures of dollar signs in your head.  What can I say, I'm a fool for love.  

Anyhow, I flipped.  Jenny wasn't around, so I panicked and tried to get the long distance service changed.  Which I did, which is interesting since it wasn't in my name.  The idea of "deferring" payments on a huge phone bill came up, so I looked into that, but this time I couldn't do anything about it b/c it's not in my name.   

When I saw Jenny the next day, she was pissed.  She came in and said she was close to throwing me out, and that she didn't want me calling Canada again.  She was also pissed that I changed the long-distance service without telling her first.  I figured she'd be upset, so I apologized and let her vent, and told her I'd have the money for the bill in a week.  (I'd already made tentative arrangements with Das and Paul to borrow some long cash).  But she's still upset, and it seemed like she's ready to get rid of me at a moment's notice. 

Ray blasted me that evening for not sticking up for myself.  Late that nite, after Ray had split, Jenny comes in to the den and tells me that she's thinking about cutting off the long-distance service entirely, and that she would call the next morning to look into it.  She also said that if I'm going to be staying there then I need to think about paying the security deposit to Maya (since I took over Maya's spot, I'm not on the lease.  Was that clear?  No?  Sorry).  And she made it clear that I'm on very thin ice with her, and that there are killer whales circling underneath the ice, and that if I fell through I'd be devoured like a harp seal.   

And then Das blasts me today for not sticking up for myself. 

So I feel very unsettled, humiliated, and fearful.  I don't know what to do.  Even though the bills will all be paid-on-time, if not ahead of time, Jenny's about had it with me.   

The good news is that I'm still desperately hopelessly helplessly madly in love with Paula, who has been an unbelievable source of strength for me.  She's like spinach, except she's not green.  Naturally, in the process of racking up gianormous phone bills I don't have the money to see her like I had wanted.  So maybe New Year's.  We still haven't met, and now we don't talk much, except through a plethora of e-mails and virtual cards we send each other every day.  It's really amazing how many fucking cards there are out there; I've gotten virtual crack cards, virtual toke cards, virtual "I Fell For You" cards...I'm waiting for a virtual blow job card, thank you very much.  Heh.   

Oh yeah, job-wise I sat on my ass for a while and thought about getting into temping.  But after the roof fell in on my head as far as money, I got anxious, and Ray came through offering to hook me up with the law firm he works for (oh boy, more lawyers!). 

So I interviewed on Wednesday (that'd be the...8th.)  I didn't know what I was interviewing for, I just faxed in a resume.  So I show up, clueless as usual, and it sounds like they're interested in making me a paralegal.  It's a personal injury firm, not all corporate big money like my old one.  And it's in Long Beach. 

I don't have a job yet; they're calling me back next week (or so they say...) to meet with one of the administrators (also one of Ray's relatives, I think).  So we'll see how that goes.  My luck can't get any worse (knock on wood, or whatever this grainy white surface is).   

I am leaving stuff out, like smoking and getting sick off some serious stress weed, napping at Jack in the Box, and masturbating more now than I ever have in my entire life.  But that's the gist of it.  Oh, and I've gotten fat again.  Yay.  I'm an honorary fat boy again.  I've also discovered that it's cooler than a muthafucka to have friends who will support you and spend time with you when you're in deep shit and depressed, (not to mention lending you gobs of cash and offering you some bud and buying you meals).  But what are friends for?   

So where am I?  Well, for the time being, it's like this -- I discovered that if I wanted to, I could update at Kinko's -- only $.10 a minute between midnite and 6 AM.  So I go to the free access computers at UCLA, type this up there, and then post it later on at Kinko's.  If all goes according to plan, that is... 

But, y'know, the best laid plans of mice and haoles...

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