- So what have I been doing during my luxurious time off, besides getting
into Tommy Chong-like hijinks? Uh, not much that I can remember...yeah,
smoking weed has been it. Not every night of course (damn!), but
periodically. What has sucked is that besides once or twice, I haven't
really smoked up the way I want to smoke up -- me and a friend or three,
just kicking around the bong as we collectively lower our IQs. No
driving, no being by myself. Well, maybe driving to Del Taco, but
it's always better when places deliver, like Pizza Hut. But hey,
since it's rarely my weed anymore, who am I to complain?
Oh, lemmee tell you Ray's great pot story, and I hope he doesn't want me to take this off:
About a week ago Ray and I are coming back from Tower, and Ray pulls off at 7-11 because he wants a Grapeade Snapple, and only Grapeade. He doesn't have enough change on him, so we both get out and start rummaging through the cracks of his car seats, and on the floor mats, looking for dimes and nickels. As he was checking the crack to the right of the driver seat, Ray shouts "Whoa!" and stands up, a phat nugget of phat bud in his fingers. Somehow this nugget of bud had gotten free and had been sitting in Ray's car. We go home, Ray re-moisturizes it with a slice of apple, and we smoke it up for the next two nights.
The next night, Ray and I have chinese eyes and we're at Tower Records, looking at magazines. A voice from the other side of the rack booms at me, "Can I help you?" Now, we all know that Tower employees DO NOT ask if they can render you assistance. You have to ask them for it. So I freak out and look up -- it's Das. He'd figured we were at Tower so he dropped by. He starts chatting with Ray, and Ray tells him the story of the bud nugget. Das is impressed, and asked Ray if finding it beats finding a $20 bill. Ray thinks about it for a minute and then says, "No." So a few minutes later Ray reaches into his pocket and Ba-BAM! There's a $20 bill.
Das then asked Ray if finding a $20 bill beats winning the lottery...
A-hem, so yeah, besides my descent into Beavis-dom, I haven't done much. Read any good books? Just some football preview magazines -- gotta figure out UCLA's depth chart, after all. Get in shape? Nope, I put on 15 pounds and am reminded firsthand of the weighty embarrassment that is "the spare tire". Get some? Get real, people.
So as you can see, my writing is as bad as usual, my eating habits are as bad as usual, my NGAS is as bad as usual. The more things change, the more they stay the same...
Of course, I'm not speaking with Jenny, I'm "involved" with someone (who I've never met), and my favorite outfit of late has been blue jeans, a red and blue X-Large hat, and a red t-shirt that has "Comé Caca" written in big, Coca Cola style letters. So things do change...
Oh yeah, "Comé Caca" means "eat shit" in Spanish. Classy, huh? Well, I haven't been in the best of moods, so eat shit if you don't like it.
I guess I have learned a few things over the past month-and-a-half or so. One is that as a kid, I was super suburban white trash. Pro Wrestling, Smokey and the Bandit was my favorite movie, the Dukes of Hazzard was my favorite TV show (Friday nights at 7PM CST), and I loved guns and war. Heh, my mom used to buy me Guns and Ammo and Soldier of Fortune. And I lived in the South during this time.
Two, friends are a precious thing, and I've been stunned at how quickly they can abandon you. Heh, not gonna help me get over my fear of abandonment, that's fo' damn sure....(ah, I'm talking like a redneck!)
Three, uh, oh yeah, -- Never settle for anything except the finest herb. (Sounds like something you'd find in a fortune cookie...)
Four -- oh yeah, I have been quite aware for some time now that NBC is having a new show with Neil Patrick Harris called "Stark Raving Mad". No, fuckers, I didn't rip that off of them. I doubt they ripped it off of me, either -- it's a figure of speech. Hell, I got it from MS Word. But yes, it is embarrassing sharing a name with a network TV show. Should have copyrighted it while I had the chance...