(Functionality at it's most primitive)

 

                                      August & September 99
 
A month or so later... 
 
 
July 99 (Haole Discovers Happiness)                                                                 June 99
7-31-99 Head Hurt. Heart Hurt.  Need Magic Herb.  
7-30-99 Come on Down to Santa Monica... 
7-29-99 Walkin' in LA (Nobody Walks in LA)  
7-27-99 All I Are is All I Are 
7-27-99 Need an Intravenous Diet Coke Drip 
7-26-99 The Romance of Alien Annihlation 
7-24-99 The World of Falafel 
7-23-99 1-800-Get-Some 
7-23-99 I Don't Want to Go Off On a Rant, But.. 
7-22-99 God is a Dead Motherfucker 
7-22-99 Fuck Work, I Want a Bad Haircut 
7-20-99 The Truth About Haole 
7-19-99 What if Bud was a Dairy Product? 
7-16-99 Not What You'd Expect 
7-15-99 Time for the Nice Padded Cell  
7-15-99 Pain and Suffering, Suffering and Pain 
7-13-99 Low IQ All-Star 
7-12-99 Breakin' the Law, Breakin' the Law 
7-9-99 Won't You Be My Best Friend Today? 
7-8-99 Smooth Talker 
7-7-99 God Spoke to Me from My Ass. 
7-7-99 eXistenZ in My New Place 
7-6-99 In the Target Range.. 
7-5-99 Fireworks?  Fire it Up! 
7-3-99 Tired at Work 
7-2-99 Straight Into Compton 
7-1-99 My Dick Hurts 
7-1-99 Hey, Happy Canada Day! 
6- 30-99 The Unbearable Suckiness of Being 
6-29-99 Lots of Gay Things 
6-25-99 White Devil 
6-25-99 Bitching and Moaning and Whining, oh my! 6-24-99 What's My Muthafuckin' Name? 
6-23-99 What About a Prehensile Penis? 
6-22-99 I, Haole 
6-21-99  Media Puppet 
6-18-99 A Love Story 
6-18-99 Shitty Night 
6-16-99 But I Don't Like Miatas 
6-16-99 Video Games Made Me Invade Yugoslavia 
6-15-99 The Slob Attacks 
6-14-99 Poo Poo Platter 
6-11-99 Hollerin' "Money is a Thang" 
6-11-99 The Many Faces of Haole 
6-8-99 Cibo Massacro 
6-7-99 Fence Head 
6-7-99 1-800-Talk-To-Me 
6-4-99 Oh God, Another Akiyo and Depression Rant Part XXII 
6-3-99 Boobs R' Not I 
6-2-99 Sweet and Innocent 
6-2-99 The Force is with the MTA 
6-1-99 One Year Down; Isn't Hell for an Eternity?
 
 
May 99                                                                                                                                  April 99 
5-30-99 The Good Night Kiss Is Gonna Be Tough 
5-28-99 
5-28-99 Party Pooper 
5-27-99 I ain't no Walter Payton 
5-27-99 Down and Out Nowhere Near Centuy City 
5-25-99 Unsigned Friend's Permission Slip 
5-24-99 Sure Beats the Neighborhood 7-11 
5-21-99 Thomas Edison Was One Lucky Bastard 
5-20-99 Wipe That Shit Off! 
5-19-99 Throw Haole from the Train 
5-19-99 LoCal Honeys 
5-19-99 Wanting Women and Being a Woman 
5-14-99 I'm Not Giving Head, It Just Seems That Way 
5-13-99 Passionless Fruit 
5-12-99 Advice: No Sense 
5-12-99 In it to Win it, But I Always Lose 
5-10-99 Baked at the Movies  
5-7-99 Our Father, Who Art Getting Some..  
5-6-99 Venting Like an Air Duct 
5-4-99 Inside Haole's Head 
 5-3-99 Feeling Like Doo-Doo  
5-2-99 Stone Cold Raymond
4-30-99 Oh My Buddha!  
4-29-99 Too Good for Haole 
4-29-99 CD Stands for Certainly Dying 
4-27-99 I'm Never Leaving the House Again 
 4-27-99 Voices from Nowhere 
4-26-99 Pour Your Misery Down on Me 
4-26-99 Hard Knock  Life 
4-26-99 Help Wanted: Haoles Need Not Apply 
4-22-99 Drama in the Library 
4-21-99 Happy Belated Birthday Bart Simpson 
4-20-99 Pros and Cons of Drug Use 
4-18-99 Reflections on Living the High Life! 
4-17-99 Chaji Masajis at Work 
4-16-99 Disposing of My Paycheck and My Health 
4-15-99 Stick it in, take it out 
4-14-99 Dumb and Bored and Desperate 
4-13-99 Hemp Head 
4-12-99 Object of a Woman's Desire 
4-12-99 Doughnuts Doughnuts Everywhere 
4-9-99 Automatic Problematic Life 
4-8-99 Fear and Loathing in LA Habra 
4-6-99 Slippery and Smelling Good 
4-6-99 Original Glazed and Iced Custard 
4-2-99 Taking Advantage of Ray's Mom 
4-1-99 Bangusetsu
 
 
 
March 99                                                                                                                      February 99
3-30-99 Spring Decontamination 
3-27-99 A Little White, uh, Metallic Silver Lie 
3-26-99 Wrong Sideo f the Futon 
3-24-99 Roqin' Lucy Liu's World 
3-23-99 Turning British 
3-19-99 Non-Amusement Parks 
3-17-99 Haole Turns Down Asian Chicks 
3-15-99  Don King and my Asian Queens 
3-15-99  AutoHaole Destruct Button 
3-11-99 12 Hours of My So-Called Life 
3-9-99 Random Thought Generator 
3-8-99 Poopy Monday Syndrome 
3-4-99 The Pangs of Turning White  
3-3-99 Public Speaking 
3-2-99 Brain Candy 
3-1-99 Cats and Lobsters and Me, Oh My!
2-12-99 Big Chick Beater 
2-11-99 Big Boobs are not for Me  
2-10-99 Can't Get Enough of You, Baby 
2-9-99 Loser Matinee 
2-8-99 Playing Catch-up 
1-29-99  Overruled Decisions 
1-25-99 Self-Service? 
1-21-99  Breasts & Thighs as Thanks 
1-20-99 The Beaches of My Mind 
1-19-99 Casino Charity Donor 
1-15-99 Left Out in the Smoke 
1-14-99 The Surgeon General Can Bite Me 
1-13-99 Dripping with Honeys 
1-8-99  Short and Thin Gets it In 
1-7-99  Dan Quayle's Wet Dream 
1-6-99 Bleh 
1-4-99 Life in Manure City
 
December 99                                                                                                             November 99
12-26-98  Central Planning 
12-25-98  Merry Boredom 
12-24-98  mofo.com, ADD, A+F NGAS 
12-23-98  Premature E-Journalism 
12-22-98  Hey, Fat Boy! 
12-21-98  The Story 
12-21-98  New Depths of Shallowness 
12-21-98  Music in My Madness 
12-20-98  Fold-Up Haole 
12-18-98  Sexual Chocolate 
12-17-98  My Sharon-a 
12-16-98  Duc Hunting Season 
12-11-98  Buddhamas 
12-10-98  Yesterday was the First Day of the Rest of My Past 
12-9-98  Haole the Bitch 
12-9-98  Get Busy Child 
12-7-98  Da Joint 
12-3-98  Going Postal 
12-2-98 Aloha Grimace 
12-1-98  Redcoats
11-30-98 Fear of a Black Man 
11-30-98 Haole: The Long Thanksgiving 
11-25-98  My Name's Haole, and I'm a Dumbass. 
11-24-98  Don't forget your name in the top left corner... 
11-20-98  Tequila Sunrise 
11-19-98  Free Agent Future 
11-18-98 Lazy Koreans 
11-17-98  Ms. Ery Visits 
11-16-98  Benedict Kims 
11-16-98  Mixless Master 
11-13-98 Ray's Bent 
11-9-98   Slings and Arrows 
11-9-98   It's Like Beer 
11-5-98   Fade to Pale 
11-5-98   Suck This 
11-4-98   Throw Me Back
 
11-4-98 Off the Turnbuckle 3-18-98 Well, We're Moving on Up (On Up...)
11-3-98 Haole II -- The Return 3-17-98 Drinking Myself Smart
Two-Hundred-and-Fifteen Day Break 3-17-98 Green Monster
4-2-98 Beer, Bud, and Boredom 3-16-98 Run for Your Lives!
4-1-98 Time Marches On 3-14-98 Liquid Ramen
3-31-98 Cerritos On Wheels 3-13-98 Where's the Guy in the Hockey Mask?
3-27-98 School's Out, For-ever! 3-12-98 Building a Depressing Mystery
3-26-98 Problem Adult  3-11-98 Hell Comes to Haoletown
3-26-98 Bacchanalian Procrastination  3-10-98 God's A Wuss
3-25-98 Minister of Retardedness 3-10-98 Death Threat to God
3-24-98 Deep Doodoo Diving 3-9-98 Hit by the Short Yellow Bus
3-23-98 Rushing to Nowhere 3-7-98 The Arctic Computer Lab
3-22-98 Got dem' Web Page Blues 3-6-98 Cable Guy!
3-20-98 Honkey Mo-Fo 3-5-98 Movie Night
3-19-98 Horndoggery 3-4-98 Friends and Nicole's Ass
 
3-3-98 Weekend Update 2-7-98 Hot, Brown, and Bubbly
2-28-98 The Perils of Boredom 2-6-98 Hot and Wet
2-25-98 Of Marvel and Mickey D's 2-5-98 Broken Head
2-23-98 Haole, King of Beasts 2-4-98 Hay
2-19-98 The Ramen Kingmobile 2-3-98 They say it's your Birthday
2-18-98 Pop Goes My Self-Esteem 2-2-98 Fran's Birfday
2-17-98 Woman Magnet 2-1-98 Rain and Weed
2-17-98 Beating Wellington Ass 1-31-98 Miracle of Modern Medicine
2-15-98 Ray Makes My Day 1-29-98 Red red Whine
2-14-98 Whoa!  I've Got Money Woes 1-27-98 Butt-ass sick
2-12-98 Twice in One Day!!! 1-26-98 Wussified
2-12-98 Hindu Horror 1-24-98 Striving for the Mediocre
2-10-98 No Ties, Cheap Yanni 1-23-98 FartMan Lives
2-9-98 Ookla and Photoshop 1-22-98 Burn ILL, Burn!
2-8-98 Genghis Khan's Revenge 1-21-98 Sista' Spice
 
Stark Raving Mad e-mail haole!